Giving it back to God...

Honor the LORD with your possessions,

And with the firstfruits of all your increase;

So your barns will be filled with plenty,

And your vats will overflow with new wine.

~ Proverbs 3:9-10

I used to think I was not a slave to my possessions, until I went through financial hard times and the meanings of "want" and of "need" became more clearly defined for me.  I had always given freely to the church and to those in need, had no debt to speak of, and was extremely proud of my impeccable credit rating.  I never would have classified myself as a foolish spender.  In fact, I saved.  I counted every penny and calculated my giving.  I was proud of my retirement portfolio, and how lovely it all looked on paper.  I thought I was "set".  Then, like many business owners, the mix of a soured economy and outsourcing hit me hard.  I walked through a "desert" in my life for about 5 years, digging my heals in to save my home and investments and praying it would all get better.  I figured it had to, because I figured I had done everything right.  What the Lord revealed to me was that I had an issue of pride.  Pride is sin.  Sin gets in the way of God blessing us.  I had to let go of my attitude, as well as a lot of tangible, meaningless "stuff" (meaningless in view of eternity).  Both are baggage, and both stand in the way of us coming to know and experience Christ, God's only Son who spent His adult years walking the earth without a home.  I can now say I really appreciate the meaning of a roof over my head, food on my table, and bills when they get paid.  I don't have new clothes every season, have never bought an iPod, reuse just about everything I can, and still have not repaired the damage my car suffered 3 years ago in a minor accident.  It's just not important to me anymore to have a closet full of cute shoes.  These days, these happy days, I have discovered the freedom of letting go and running barefoot through life.  There is freedom in knowing my life is now led by my trusting and allowing God to make the decisions for me.  I now know He knows better than I do what is right for me, and now I am listening for the Spirit's voice.  While I once thought it was enough to honor Him with my financial firstfruits, I now understand what He really wants is my heart, my focus, my finances and my time, uncalculated.  This is a God I will know for eternity, so it seems only fitting to get to know Him and trust Him now, because what we do here in life today matters.  I have learned that sometimes the only way God can truly get our attention is to strip away the strongholds in our lives, the things that keep us self-centered.  I was not aware I even had any, until He revealed them.  Then, with the ability to see clearly as through an open window, one free of clutter and pride, there I finally saw the character of God, and each day has become a new journey with Him.  And now, slowly but surely, my vats are being filled as with new wine, and my barns to overflowing.

Forever Guided

A man's heart plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.
~ Proverbs 16:9

The Narrow Gate

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.
Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."
~ Matthew 7:13-14

Isolation

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment.
~Proverbs 18:1

The Lighted Path

But the path of the just is like the shining sun,
That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.
~Proverbs 4:18

If it is God's Will...

Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, "If You are willing, You can make me clean."
Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, "I am willing; be cleansed."
As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed.
~ Mark 1:40-42

It can be confusing praying for God's will to be done. We think, "God is good. Surely therefore it must be His will that He will heal my child, my spouse, my grandfather, (whomever)..." But that is not always the case. God decides when and how He will heal, if He chooses to heal at all. He may choose not to heal, so that His greater will may be done in our lives.

My 20's were book-ended by the loss of each of my parents, first my dad and then my mom. When my dad became ill, I was only 21. I thought for sure God would heal him...I could not imagine that it would be the will of God to take my dad at 54 and leave my family and me without him. But He allowed my dad to die.

My mom became ill when I was 29. She and I prayed to God to heal her, and I had faith that He could if it was His will. But....again God chose not to heal. I was in shock. My mom was gone; it was so final. God, I thought, had failed me. My heart still aches 12 years later as I sit at my desk and write about it.

But as I look back I see now with clarity God's hand in those situations. My dad's death made me question more deeply the truth about God, life and death, heaven and hell, and who Jesus was...and what it all means for me and my life. It began a very confusing time for me, a time of deep and fervent searching. But in all of this turbulence, God was there, gently revealing Himself to me. He became real to me, my Father in Heaven, my safe refuge.

I have to admit to you that when my mom died, things did not go as well. Suddenly everything about God scared me. I was in shock that He would allow her to die in a matter of only weeks. I thought surely God knew I would not be able to handle the blow He had dealt me, the feeling that a part of my flesh and my identity had been torn and ripped from my body and my heart had been crushed. I was scared. God scared me. He still does at times.

But now I see that God was revealing Himself to me. God is Love, and sometimes love hurts. But if God had chosen my will and not His, I would not be who I am today. I now know compassion, tolerance, grace, forgiveness and understanding in ways I would not have experienced if life had gone smoothly and God had healed my parents and spared me the pain of losing them in my 20s. I now am a joyful, well-adjusted, grateful young woman of 41 who loves God and experiences Him daily. There are times I am in awe and fear of His power, and His love does not make sense to me. But the Bible says,

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways." says the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher then the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."
~ Isaiah 55:8-9

I choose now to believe that in God's infinite wisdom, His will is better than my own, and I trust Him.

Are You Burdened?

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
~ Matthew 11:28-30

This verse was pointed out to me by a friend about 15 years ago, before I became a Christian. I have always found this verse comforting, calming, and reassuring. In these past 15 years since then, it has also proven to be true. I have found rest for my soul in Jesus.

Perfect Peace

You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
For YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.
~ Isaiah 26:3-4

We can have peace in the most uncertain of times if we learn to put our trust in God to handle the details of our lives. It doesn't mean life will get easier and our problems will disappear. However, there is peace in knowing that God is ultimately in charge of our lives, every breath we take, and we are not created to handle life on our own. In fact, to try to handle life on our own is to take the position of power from God. It just doesn't work.

An Attitude of Gratitude

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance,
But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.
~ Proverbs 15:13

Choose today to focus on your blessings.

Trust Him

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
~ Proverbs 3:5-6

I am finally learning to trust God fully. If you've been hurt or betrayed, as most of us have, this is easier said than done. But the trusting is worth the rewards.

Begin Today

Delight yourself in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
~ Psalm 37:4
As I have grown to know God, the desires of my heart have become more in line with His plan for me. What more could I want?